This has been my prayer for several months now. Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours. But help me to go beyond that. I have always had a tender heart. I cry when I see suffering- sometimes for days. As a child, I remember telling God, "Why did you have to give me a heart of compassion?(something my parents had obviously told me I had) It hurts too much God. I don't like hurting for every sad thing I see."
But I quickly learned to have a good cry, and then put the "thing" far out of my mind so that I didn't have to deal with it. For a lot of us, it's easy to be moved when we see suffering or injustice, but it's also easy to move on with our lives and forget about it when it's not in our face every day.
I've had my eye on the Ebola epidemic for a while now- reading the articles, praying for the people of West Africa, praying for our missionary friends who are over there serving, in the midst of this crisis. We even have a close connection with the third America doctor who contracted Ebola recently- his son, Max was in the boys dorm downstairs from us when we served as boarding parents in Dakar, Senegal. But nothing moved me like the documentary on Ebola that John and I watched together several days ago. Maybe some of you saw it, too.
I watched from my comfortable bed as people in Liberia battled this terrible illness. I watched as an entire community was quarantined in fear behind rusty gates and makeshift lines. And I watched as a little boy lay dying in an empty, concrete room. His parents were already gone and he was with his Aunt and her four children. He lay on the floor, sucking his fingers just looking...so sick. So so sick. And no one wanted to touch him, which of course I understand, but my heart just shattered. He was about five, the age of my oldest son. And he just lay there, suffering...untouched. At one point the cameras captured hospital workers carrying the sick and dying little boy to the back of a truck. He had only a t-shirt on and his body was so limp...so sick. At that point I heard myself cry out, "Oh Lord Jesus!"
I lost it. I cried myself to sleep that night. I cried for most of the next day in the car on our way home from Florida. And I have cried every day since then. I've also done something that I have never had the courage to do. I have asked the Lord not to remove this image from my mind. I don't just want to forget this time. I'm tired of the Lord breaking my heart for what breaks His, and then not doing a darn thing about it. But what can I do, really? This has been my question.
Well, as a believer in an all-powerful, all-loving God, I can pray. I can pray for the people of West Africa. I can pray for the brave doctors, nurses, and volunteers who are risking their own lives to "touch" the untouchable.
The other thing I can do, is give what I can to the organizations who are on the ground in these suffering countries. I don't have much in the eyes of the world, but I have a heck of a lot more than the little boy who lay dying on the concrete floor in Liberia. I have had my little Etsy shop for a couple of years now, and what started as a fun hobby, has actually been a (very small) source of income for us. I have used the money to buy things for our house, clothes for the kids, and of course, lots of stuff for myself that I really don't need. I started out giving 10% of my earnings to Compassion International, which if you don't know, is a wonderful organization that helps millions of children and their families receive medical care, education, and supplies every year. I told the Lord that I would like to give more someday and to bless my business how He wanted to. The moment I did that, my business literally doubled within months. But sadly, it has taken me a while to give more. Recently, I felt like I should give more, so I began also giving another 10% to our local Crisis Pregnancy Center here in Brunswick, GA. Since I am strongly pro-life, I realized that I needed to be part of the solution. And now, in light of recent events, I have felt God asking me to give even more. I will be giving another 20% to special needs, like the Ebola crisis, etc. A total of 40% of my Etsy earnings.
Can I be honest with you? I was excited at first, and then it got real. My selfish heart sometimes wants to keep my money and buy all of the things that my selfish heart wants to buy. Clothes I don't need. More things for my house that I don't need. Coffee that I don't need. Please hear me when I say that I don't think that buying any of these things is bad. I know that God delights in giving us good things. But I also know, that in my life, I have taken WAY more than I have given. And it's easy to give when it doesn't hurt, but wow...it stretches me to give beyond what's comfortable. You know what's even more sad? This isn't even a necessary income for our family!!!! It's just extra! And it's STILL hard! But all I have to do is look at things in perspective, and my heart melts again. New shirt that I don't need vs. medicine for a child who could die if he doesn't get it. Hmmmm.....
The truth is that millions of kids die every year (many under the age of 5) from preventable diseases like malaria and the measles. Sometimes all it would take is a mosquito net or a vaccine to save a life, but they simply cannot afford it. I read on the Compassion site that in 2010 alone, 655,000 kids died from Malaria. It's just not ok! If we can do something to help, to even make a dent, let's do it!
If you aren't donating to the Ebola crisis or any of the many disasters that are taking place around the world right now, I urge you to pray about doing so. You can read about where/how to donate on many Aid Organizations websites. If you haven't checked out Compassion International, it's a great place to start.
Sorry for dumping all of this on you, I just wanted to share a little bit of my journey as I struggle to go beyond myself and help where I can.
And feel free to check out my Etsy shop: Free Spirit Jenny
I am by no means trying to promote my shop in any way. In fact, I would rather people just donate 100% to a cause, but I'm sharing with you how I feel I am supposed to play my part- just to be clear =0)
I am by no means trying to promote my shop in any way. In fact, I would rather people just donate 100% to a cause, but I'm sharing with you how I feel I am supposed to play my part- just to be clear =0)